Okay friends, hold onto your hats and knickers because i have noted sexologist, Dr. Charley Ferrer on the blog today answering questions you have always wanted to know about BDSM! I’m not going to take up much room here, because Dr. Charley has really provided some amazing information and stimulation. BUT, please comment. Her new book, BDSM for Writers, is delayed, but someone who comments will win a copy as soon as it’s available. AND today, another commenter will win their very own pair of Shackles from Dungeon Delights!! So, comment like crazy.
And here’s Charley!
What is a sexologist? How does it differ from a sex therapist?
A Sexologist is someone who studies the science of sex; behavior and patterns, interactions and techniques, and provides education. A Sex Therapist provides not only education on sexuality but also approaches it from a clinical psychological perspective. As a Clinical Sexologist and Sex Therapist, I address sexual dysfunctions, emotional and psychological problems which affect an individual’s ability to be in a positive relationship with others or merely with themselves. I also incorporate Hypnosis and bodywork into my practice teaching patients to overcome inhibitions and embrace their sensual and sexual divinity.
What is BDSM? What does it include in terms of practices?
BDSM is the acronym for Bondage, Disciple, Sadomasochism. It takes into consideration the Power Exchange as well as Dominance and submission. It also incorporates Master/slave relationships though this is one of the higher levels of interactions within the D/s community and the rules of interaction are slightly different between Master/slave than with individuals who merely participate in BDSM activities. There are various levels of BDSM interactions, for those merely wanting a little kink with their sex, to those wanting the power exchange all the away to total 24/7 Master/slave relationships. Unfortunately, there are so many misconceptions about the BDSM lifestyle and there’s a lot of prejudice and stigma attached to it. I’m hoping my books BDSM FOR WRITERS and BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH (a slightly different version for the general public) will help dispel many of them.
How did you get interested in BDSM?
I actually officially discovered the lifestyle when I was working on my Masters in Psychology. I took a course in Sex Therapy and I had to treat a couple who was suffering from some from of sexual dysfunction. The man in my group had been suffering from impotency of the past six months which stemmed from his desire to spank his girlfriend and his feelings of guilt associated with the desire. When I asked the girlfriend if she had a problem receiving a spanking, she said, “I’d love it!” So I gave them permission to explore! He called me the follow day to share that his impotency problem was over and they were taking a week off to enjoy themselves. I was so proud of myself. My first patients cursed in one-session, yahoo! When I returned to class to share my amazing accomplishment, my follow classmates were appalled that I would “sanction” such behavior. It was at that point the philosophy for my Private Practice was born since I believe as therapist it’s not my place to “Judge” my patients but to help them learn and explore the possibilities for their sexuality and let them decide for themselves. I subsequently went on to learn more about sex and obtained a Doctorate in Human Sexuality, a Clinical Sexologist Certification, an Erotologist Certification, and Sex Educator degrees. I’m now the only Latina Doctor of Human Sexuality in the United States and at the top of my field. In 2005, I created the Dominance and Submission Therapeutic Mentoring Model and presented it before the World Congress of Sexology and the International Congress of Sexologist & Medical Physicians in Latin America. For the past 15-years, I’ve created and taught various workshops incorporating aspects of BDSM, Hypnosis, self-empowerment, and sensual sexual enhancement for men and women, physicians, law enforcement and the mental health community. And now, writers!
How did you get the idea to write a book on BDSM for Writers?
That’s actually a funny story and shows how the Universe works in mysterious ways. First I have to say, I never thought to write a book on BDSM much less one for authors. I actually found myself hyperventilating when I started writing the book. I was so nervous writing for you all (authors), I got major writers block. I mean, you’re the ones I go to for romance and fantasies. Even with seven books on sexuality and self-empowerment and having won an award for Best Self-Help book under my belt, I still trembled when I sat down to write. LOL.
Anyway, there are actually two people to thank for this book and for the general public’s version—BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH. The first of these is Joey W. Hill. Her book, The Vampire Queen’s Servant, was the first BDSM book I read that actually depicted the lovingly respectful and erotic connection that is at the heart of a Dominance and submission relationship. When I contacted her to share how “disappointed I was to learn she was a woman because I wanted to kidnap Jacob, the lead male character in the book”, she chuckled and graciously agreed to appear on my TV show PLEASURE. However, as she didn’t live in New York City she informed me of the event she was due to attend and offered to meet me there. This is where person to thank number two comes in, Stella Price. Stella graciously allowed us to film at her Author’s After Dark Conference and even asked if I’d sit in on the BDSM Panel they were conducting to help normalize this uniquely erotic and misunderstood lifestyle. After the panel, I was asked if I’d consider writing a book on BDSM for authors. Five months later, I not only completed BDSM FOR WRITERS but BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH a slightly different version for the general public.
When you stop and think about it, both these books owe their creation to a romance novel! It’s mind boggling when you stop and consider how your novel, your words, may affect another’s life and have such an amazing affect. Thus my thanks goes out again to Joey W. Hill for starting it all and for graciously writing the forward to BDSM FOR WRITERS despite her busy schedule.
Are more writers getting interested in BDSM?
Over the years I’ve seen many writers add some aspects of the Power Exchange to their writing. Unfortunately, many authors are trapped in the misconception Hollywood has provided of the Bitch Dominatrix with 5-inch spiked heels and leather corset yelling at a man to get him to obey. Or the sniveling submissive woman catering to everything her Master demands. In reality this is so far from the truth, I have to chuckle. However some writers I’ve seen in the past few years have begun to show the beauty of Dominance and submission as well as its profound intricacies. Perhaps this desire to incorporate BDSM stems from the fact that society is more tolerant of sexual diversity then in decades past. And though more writers are throwing in “Whips and Chains” into their story, they’re still missing the target. It’s why I’ve agreed to do a series of BDSM workshops with Savvy Authors to help authors really understand the psychological and emotional connections behind the Power Exchange, and of course provide a few tricks of the trade, so to speak, in order to make your characters more believable and provide a more respectful approach to the lifestyle. Of course you’ll always have your villains but it should be a strong distinction between them and your D/s characters.
What are typical mistakes writers make about BDSM?
The most common is changing the characteristics/personality traits of a Dominant and making them submissive half way through the scene. Typically it’s done with the woman dominant in an attempt to show vulnerability and perhaps play into societal dictates. Another big mistake is the submissive being happy to have the nipple clamps removed after some time with them on. In reality, the submissive would be begging for their Master/Mistress to leave the nipple clamps on as the actual pain comes with their removal. Just think of what it’s like when your foot falls asleep and you try putting circulation back into it.
What’s the most difficult aspect of your career as a Sex Expert?
Actually the hardest thing for me as a Clinical Sexologist and Sex Expert is the censorship I’ve experienced over the past 15 years which is still ongoing. And by its very nature, the censorship is happening without the public knowing about it. For instance, I was once hired to speak to a group of adults on enhancing their love life. Two minutes before going on stage I was told I couldn’t say the word “sex” nor talk about sexual intercourse. I wasn’t even allowed to mention my website because it was called SexuallySpeaking at the time. Another time the Chamber of Commerce I belonged to refused to publish my business card in their newsletter because it said I treated Alternative Lifestyles. I once walked into a job interview and the first words out of the individuals mouth were, “I googled you”. I just smiled and said, “I’m not getting the job am I.” He shook his head and stated they were a “Christian Hospital” and promptly showed me to the door. I guess in their hospital no one has sex. And of course, dating at times can be difficult since most men either run from me because they fear I’ll judge and find inadequacies, or only want to date me because they think I’m a slut and immediately want to have sex forgetting I’m just like every other woman wanting to be romanced and wined and dined. Would I give it up, NEVER! Chuckles, I’m talking about my career of course.
Tell us about your new books. Where can we buy them!?
Well in actuality there’s two of them and we anticipate a release date of August 11. I’ll let everyone know as soon as a final date is set. One book is for author’s and the other is very similar in nature but without all the writing character traits and writing tips for the general public.
BDSM FOR WRITERS: Provides authors with valuable information about Dominance and submission and the emotional and psychological connections people make in this uniquely erotic lifestyle. This book helps author’s develop stronger and more realistic characters, plots, and scenes. It provides information on the basics as well as characteristics, personality traits, etiquettes and advanced aspects for the lifestyle such as how to train a slave, the benefits and pitfalls of rewards and punishment, and even a full chapter on various ways to use punishment and humiliation on a male or female submissive/slave giving you different tricks for each.
BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH: Opens the door to the uniquely erotic lifestyle of Dominance and submission and dispels many of the misconceptions that Hollywood and the media have propagated. It pulls back the leather curtain and reveals the truths about the respect, love and affection shared by men and women who embrace this lifestyle. It dispels the incorrect assumptions that BDSM is wrong or pathological and reveals the NAKED TRUTH of how we all enjoy a little taste of the power exchange in our own daily relationships.
Pre-orders of the books are now available and there will be super prizes for the first 50, 100 and 300 buyers. The paperbacks will cost $19.97. and the e-books are priced at $9.97. Contact me at doctorcharley@bdsmforwriters(dot)com. And of course, visit my website www.bdsmforwriters.com to obtain further information on BDSM and upcoming workshops or if you have any questions. For non-writer buddies and fans, please visit www.bdsmthenakedtruth.com
Before I say goodbye, I want to take a moment to thank you, Tara, for sharing this special day with me. And to celebrate this occasion, I’d love to offer a set of metal Shackles beautifully hand crafted and donated to us by Rick Elliott from Dungeon Delights plus a copy of my book for a couple of your fans.
Live with passion,
Doctor Charley…
Dr. Charley Ferrer
Clinical Sexologist, Educator
TV/Radio Host & Producer
Award Winning Author
Sex Expert for Fox News Latino
TV/Radio Host & Producer
Award Winning Author
Sex Expert for Fox News Latino
See, i told you!! I’ll have Dr. Charley back with more information on the books and the special prizes. Meanwhile, order if you want to be among the first 300! And, don’t forget to comment because you could be the proud owner of your own shackles or a copy of one of Dr. Charley’s books as soon as they are available. Thanks so much for visiting the blog!
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