A special treat today. My friend, Mona Karel, shares about the evil thoughts generated by wicked romance novels. And the hilarious outcome! (BTW, Mona will hasten to add, this photo is nothing like her experience!) Take it away Mona —
Critics of Romance say it puts bad ideas into women’s heads. I’m here to say they might be right. I got the idea I needed one of those sexy front closing bras. You know, the kind guys can open with one flick of their clever fingers? Which always amazes me when those same clever fingers can’t open a box without ripping it to shreds, but I digress.
So here I was in my favorite store, asking about a front closing bra. Maybe I should mention my bra size is in the upper reaches of band width, and the cup size is multiple Ds. My visions of a frothy pastel confection were replaced by a white cotton creation guaranteed to be good for my posture. With ten hooks. Ten.
Still, front closing. So I took it into the changing room. Yep, that room of torture with multiple mirrors we’ve all learned to ignore until our body is covered again. Now, normally I hook my bras in the front, then twist them around, slowly to avoid friction burns, then adjust straps and cups until I’m pretty sure the bra can deal with the day’s work load. And try not to remember when I could reach behind my back to fasten and unfasten. Along with that change in mobility came–gravity.
What to do with the appendages (named Flopsy and Mopsy by a flat chested friend) until the TEN hooks could be fastened. Too many hooks to join while the cups were below, straps off my shoulders. They kept sliding off to one side or another when I tried to hook while holding them up with my forearms. Maybe I could hook the bra above them and pull them through. Ouch, never mind on that one.
Finally, I get the bra half hooked, stuff one of the girls into each cup, get the hooks done up the rest of the way. Shake the containers a bit to distribute the load. No wonder these are eighteen hour garments, it takes so long to get into one, you don’t want to take it off right away. I sneak a peek in the mirror. Somehow this just isn’t the provocative look I was after. Not even the Y chromosome could get this dang thing undone before both of us were sound asleep.
Maybe I need to look in the fancy gown section for something seductive. Wonder if flannel comes in see through–our winters can get pretty darn cold.
For more of Mona’s delights, check her out at http://mona-karel.com
Have you ever gotten a wicked idea from a romance novel? Hey, this is an adult site. Share! LOL. And thank you for visiting the blog.